Turn-Ons Include Women. Turn-Offs Include Their Mothers. A Generic Viagra Tale of Horror

I'll just continue my Generic Viagra tale of horror-the tale of my mother-in-law's obsession with her daughter's sex life. When the crazy old bag rang up our honeymoon suite to see whether or not I was giving her precious daughter the satisfaction she deserved, I just about lost it. My erection, I mean. What do you expect? I'm lucky I didn't need Generic Viagra that week of my wedding, after this traumatic, emasculating experience. But in fact, I was a vigorous young stud, and I kept my wife properly sexed for many happy years. I burned her little red barn down on an almost nightly and-how to put it?­-morningly basis! We had sex that could peel the wallpaper off the walls, and my wife emitted shrieks of ecstasy that could shatter light bulbs. Nope, no need for her to secretly mix in a little dash of Generic Viagra into my dinners, the way my evil mother-in-law Beulah did for her husband Earl! Although, I sometimes worried, and would, out of paranoia, imagine that I saw little blue specks in my spaghetti sauce.

I had nightmares about my Long Dong Silver sucking up those tiny blue pills like a vacuum cleaner, or like some stupid elephant trunk, and getting bigger and longer with every pill it swallowed. Then, in my dream, with a colossal Generic Viagra erection, I'd step into my bedroom, pull back the covers, and, instead of my sweet little wife, the covers would reveal-a fat, hairy sow wallowing around in filth, trying to imitate those mud-wrestling cuties on TV, and repeating the words: "Women in our family... women in our family... women in our family!!!" And laughing maniacally, extending a plate towards me that was full of more blue Generic Viagra pills, that even she was snacking on! I knew the continuation of her mantra about "our family." Women in her family, as my mother-in-law had told me on the day of my wedding, were very sexual creatures, and would not tolerated being undersexed. I could tell she wondered if I needed Generic Viagra to keep her daughter happy-and I was freaking 25 years old at the time!

Hell, back then, not only did I not need Generic Viagra, but I could sit across from my wife in a restaurant, and I'd get a woody hard enough to lift the table off the ground! I'd have to drape the tablecloth over it just to keep the waiter from kicking me out of the place. Of course, a couple of times, my wife just had to duck under the table and help me get my rocks off. No worries-by the time we'd make it home for dessert, and I saw her curling her lips around a spoonful of ice cream, I'd rise to the occasion again. When you're that young and vigorous, it's hard to think you'll ever need Generic Viagra, or have an erectile dysfunction problem, no matter what your mother-in-law thinks. Unfortunately, the years of happy, incinerating sex passed by like a dream, and soon, I was several pounds heavier, and flaccid all-too-often. Every month or so the stars would align, and I'd get a raging Red Baron just like in my glory days, and my wife would ride me into the ground like a bucking rodeo bull. But that happened a bit too rarely. I began considering some Generic Viagra. Especially when my mother-in-law got wind that my wife was only getting sex once a week or so. You'd have thought I was only feeding her dinner once a week or so!!