Take Generic Viagra, and Reclaim Your Kingdom

It's me again, Bill, or William the Conqueror, or Wilhem Meister. Hell, call me whatever the heck you want. Since I took some Generic Viagra with me on our silver anniversary tour through Europe, my wife has been dreaming up one ridiculous nickname after another. It's the thanks I get for giving it to her like a madman the entire trip. The poor thing-before I ordered my Generic Viagra, she'd really had to do without, for far too long. And we'd grown apart a bit. Because, let's face it: if there's nothing happening in the bedroom, a relationship is in trouble. Now, we can't keep our hands off each other. Thank heavens I took plenty of Generic Viagra along for our Grand Tour of Europe. So, after conquering France, we headed on to Germany, where we began with a boat tour of the Rhein River, past imposing cliffs (where the mythical "Lorelei" maidens once sat combing their golden hair, luring sailors to their deaths), quaint gingerbread hamlets, and old castle ruins. Needless to say, my wife was intrigued by these romantic ruins, and even mentioned that I had been a romantic ruin before I ordered my Generic Viagra. Her sexual dirty talk had taken a decidedly Medieval turn-knights on whoresback, scepters, lances and whatnot.

You can imagine how out-of-control our Generic Viagra sexual allusions got when, after two nights of intense boat-cabin boiler-room romance, our cruise came to an end, and we saw a carefully preserved castle-Schloss Neuschwanstein, the castle of Bavarian king Ludwig II. When I saw its elegant spires towering high above the Alps, I could hardly help but think of my manhood, which, reinvigorated by Generic Viagra, now reached for the heavens. Neuschwanstein, I facetiously explained to my wife, is German for "swan on my new rock." She burst out laughing, and naughtily agreed. "I assume I'm the swan?" she giggled. "And I'm your one-windowed castle tower," I added. "Languish atop me!" I begged her. "I will, I will, Sir Bangsalot- let's just get through the tour first, please." I took her cue, and decided to consume some Generic Viagra, to be ready for my coming crusade. It was like manna from heaven.

When the tour was over, we ran back down the mountainside and recklessly rented a room at the nearest hotel (our own hotel was several hours away from the remote castle). Wow, I hadn't asked a hotel if they rented by the hour since my wife and I were in college! I guess this is what Generic Viagra can do for a man. After her fairy tale castle tour, my wife was simply rabid. "Kaiser Wilhelm!" she begged me, "Conquer me, please! As Wilhelm said before starting World War I, give me a place in the sun!" "Ein Platz in der Sonne?" I echoed, in my fluent German. "Funny," it occurred to me. "Platz is German for 'place,' while platzen means 'to explode.' Are you trying to tell me something, honey?" "Jawohl, Herr Kaiser!" she shrieked. Suddenly, an image of those sexy, corn-fed Bavarian beer-tent girls flashed in my head, as armies of them carried out liter-sized mugs of wheat beer, four in each hand... all for me. This was the intoxicating bounty of Generic Viagra. "Sir Wilhelm!" she said, as she unzipped my pants, "Did you know that the German for knight is Ritter, which literally means 'rider'?" I took her hint, pulled out my lance, and proceeded to ride her into the ground. After a couple of hours of hard riding and World War I, she begged me to stop the fighting on her Eastern front, to sign a treaty of Brest-Litovsk. "Breast?" I asked. "I'll sign both of them." Once again I unsheathed my Excaliber, knighted her with it, and used it to sign my name across her heaving treaties. Do I have to spell it out for you, guys? These are the mighty powers with which Generic Viagra has endowed me.