William the Conqueror here, back with more Generic Viagra stories hot enough to make your bed erupt in flames. The latest nickname my wife’s given me, on the latest leg of our silver anniversary European tour, is Erectus Maximus. I guess that since I brought Generic Viagra to spice up our little European getaway, it’s easy to compare me to a gladiator, what with my legendary broadsword, endurance, and impeccable technique. After wowing the provincials with my battle prowess in Florence, I’m taking my game to the big show-the Coliseum in Rome! Those lions there are some big pussycats, let me tell you-those suckers can bite your head off! Well, I’m undaunted. I’ve been able to handle everything my wife has thrown at me-and she’s throwing herself at me with incredible frequency, ever since I overcame the erectile dysfunction that had been plaguing me, and ordered some Generic Viagra especially for this romantic trip. And I’ll be honest… now that my own confidence has been restored, and I’m back in the saddle, so to speak, I’m realizing just how sexy my wife still is. As I’ve said before, it’s as if we’re back in college. This is what Generic Viagra has done for our sex life.

When our overnight train arrived in Rome, I’d already taken my Generic Viagra pill with breakfast, to be ready for what I knew would go down the second we got to our hotel. Sure enough, the stuff kicked in like clockwork, and when my wife pushed me against the wall and slammed the door of our room behind us, I responded. We went at it hard for a while, and then, as had become common with our romps, we diverted ourselves with some ridiculous sex games-we’ve always appreciated a sense of humor in the bedroom. I pulled the white bed sheet from her body, glistening with sweat, and wrapped it about me like a toga. Alas, my fasces-the ancient Roman symbol of power, a bundle of hard rods tied around an axe-was protruding most righteously. Glory to Generic Viagra! I took a sprig of green leaves from a nearby vase of artificial flowers and made myself a laurel crown, as if I were the winner of some ancient sex Olympics (hey, doping with Generic Viagra, I was a world-beater!). I stood on the bed, in my toga and laurel wreath, bounced around a bit, then assumed a bold rhetorical pose, like Cicero. “Senatus populusque romanorum!” I declaimed. “The Senate and the people of Rome!” My wife giggled. “Penissimus clitorisque gimmemorum!” she joked. “No translation necessary!” I assured her. “Maybe I should start rationing my Generic Viagra, my Vestal Virgin?” I wondered. Our sexcapade might come to a screeching halt if my stash were depleted! “Baby, you can get that stuff all over the world-don’t sweat it!” my wife said. “Hail Caesar!” I declared.

Don’t misunderstand-the sun doesn’t rise and set in my boxer shorts. I’d been having a blast ever since Generic Viagra had reinvigorated me. But we did experience some culture during our European vacation. We even made it to Vatican City, for some religious reflection. And I swear-not one joke about Generic Viagra crossed our lips in that holy sanctum! We even marveled at the Sistine Chapel frescoes-especially at Adam, reaching out to touch his Creator. “Did you know, honey, that the name ‘Adam’ actually means ‘man’ in Hebrew?” I asked my wife intelligently. She squinted at old Adam for a minute, and said, “He’s not half the man you are, baby.” I knew what she meant-Generic Viagra had allowed me to get full-sized erections-long, proud, pulsating. I felt like myself again-like Erectus Gigantissimus.

Alan was twenty seven when he suffered an accident at work. He was climbing a scaffold to look at some new building work on a house he had designed when a joist collapsed and he fell forty feet to the ground.
He was in traction for eight weeks and then he had to learn to walk again. It was a long hard road to recovery and sometimes he felt as though he wouldn’t make it but his wife and two small girls visited every day and endeavoured to keep his sprits high. He knew that work was in safe hands as his partner was managing their architecture practice until he returned, so money was not a worry. He concentrated on his recovery and slogged at the physiotherapy so that he would be back on his feet as soon as possible.
Inevitably, after a major accident depression is a concern and his doctors kept a close eye on him. However, a week before his release from hospital, he was given some terrible news. He had not thought about sex since the accident – it had been all he could do to focus on his own body and its responses so he hadn’t given it a passing thought, assuming that when he was well again, his libido would return.
His doctor confirmed that this was true but told Alan that he may not be physically able even if he was mentally ready. Unfortunately back problems can lead to erectile dysfunction and it was likely that Alan would not be the man he had once been.
It was a devastating blow and he fought to overcome his emotions but depression gripped him and he sank lower and lower. He was too young for a life of celibacy and it wouldn’t be fair on his wife. He imagined that she would leave eventually and that his family would fall apart.
As far as he was concerned, he was no longer a man if he couldn’t satisfy his wife. The doctor gave him some literature on Generic Viagra or Generic Cialis but he threw the pamphlets into his bag and ignored them, too unhappy to take in any more information.
Hi arrival home was hard on the family, the children could not understand why their daddy was so angry and miserable all the time. They tried to help him with his exercises but he was withdrawn and snapped at them. He slumped into a chair and didn’t really leave it for a few weeks. His wife Isabel knew there was a problem and encouraged him to talk about it, eventually he broke down and although he found it hard to tell Isabel what may happen to him, he took some solace as he cried in her arms, telling her that life would never be the same again.
Surprisingly she was undaunted by his dilemma. She told him that she knew about his problem as she had seen the articles when she unpacked his bag, but that she had actually read the information and had acted on it. She brandished a little blue Generic Viagra pill and admitted that she had ordered it weeks before, so she could give him a lovely welcome home.

He had been too depressed for her to even try, she told him, but whenever he was ready, so was she!

Albert was still feeling pretty unwell. He had been diagnosed with acute diabetes and it had taken months to level out his condition and to find the right combination of drugs to manage his situation on a day-to-day level.
He was 42, happily married with two wonderful children and had received a lot of support from them during his time of convalescence. His wife Jill had made sure that she only bought and cooked suitable foods for him and had cared for him really well.
He knew that in a few weeks he would be back to feeling normal, however for now, he slumped in the chair and thought about what his doctor had told him this morning.
He had discovered that it was usual for diabetes patients to find that they had some trouble sustaining an erection for long enough for satisfactory sex. What a blow! He admitted that at the moment he felt far too terrible to even think about sex, but that once he recovered fully, he would want to resume his relationship with his wife. He knew that she too missed the intimacy of sex and he didn’t want to let her down.
What was the solution? He knew there were special drugs on the market that helped impotent men, but he was too embarrassed to tell his doctor, who was a family friend, that he needed some help. It made him feel unmanly. So he decided to solve his problem himself.

That afternoon he sat in front of the computer while Jill was at work, and began to search. he had heard of Generic Viagra and began by putting that into the search engine – to his amazement there were thousands of sites offering Generic Viagra and Generic Cialis. He looked at the pros and cons of each one and selected he one that most suited his needs. He ordered a sample and then waited for the post.
Every day he felt better and better and he was looking forward to the arrival of the medication.
He got up early every day and beat Jill to the post so she wouldn’t know what he was up to and when they arrived, he was pleased and excited. Now to start the next phase of his recovery…
He asked his mother to look after the children the next Saturday night and booked their favourite restaurant. He even bought some new clothes and, while he was at the shops, he found a lovely piece of jewellery for Jill – she deserved a gift.
Saturday came and Jill was delighted with the bracelet and thrilled that they were going out for the first time in months and months.
The meal went well, the atmosphere was very romantic and they walked home arm in arm. He nuzzled Jill’s neck and she responded by snuggling closer and when they arrived back at home, by mutual consent, and without a word between them, they headed straight for the bedroom. After so long they were both hungry with desire and Albert knew that without his medication, it would have been a disastrous as he was still weak. But the evening was a success and they felt closer than ever after surviving the ordeal of a serious illness.

What a fantastic road to recovery!

It’s me again, Bill, or William the Conqueror, or Wilhem Meister. Hell, call me whatever the heck you want. Since I took some Generic Viagra with me on our silver anniversary tour through Europe, my wife has been dreaming up one ridiculous nickname after another. It’s the thanks I get for giving it to her like a madman the entire trip. The poor thing-before I ordered my Generic Viagra, she’d really had to do without, for far too long. And we’d grown apart a bit. Because, let’s face it: if there’s nothing happening in the bedroom, a relationship is in trouble. Now, we can’t keep our hands off each other. Thank heavens I took plenty of Generic Viagra along for our Grand Tour of Europe. So, after conquering France, we headed on to Germany, where we began with a boat tour of the Rhein River, past imposing cliffs (where the mythical “Lorelei” maidens once sat combing their golden hair, luring sailors to their deaths), quaint gingerbread hamlets, and old castle ruins. Needless to say, my wife was intrigued by these romantic ruins, and even mentioned that I had been a romantic ruin before I ordered my Generic Viagra. Her sexual dirty talk had taken a decidedly Medieval turn-knights on whoresback, scepters, lances and whatnot.

You can imagine how out-of-control our Generic Viagra sexual allusions got when, after two nights of intense boat-cabin boiler-room romance, our cruise came to an end, and we saw a carefully preserved castle-Schloss Neuschwanstein, the castle of Bavarian king Ludwig II. When I saw its elegant spires towering high above the Alps, I could hardly help but think of my manhood, which, reinvigorated by Generic Viagra, now reached for the heavens. Neuschwanstein, I facetiously explained to my wife, is German for “swan on my new rock.” She burst out laughing, and naughtily agreed. “I assume I’m the swan?” she giggled. “And I’m your one-windowed castle tower,” I added. “Languish atop me!” I begged her. “I will, I will, Sir Bangsalot- let’s just get through the tour first, please.” I took her cue, and decided to consume some Generic Viagra, to be ready for my coming crusade. It was like manna from heaven.

When the tour was over, we ran back down the mountainside and recklessly rented a room at the nearest hotel (our own hotel was several hours away from the remote castle). Wow, I hadn’t asked a hotel if they rented by the hour since my wife and I were in college! I guess this is what Generic Viagra can do for a man. After her fairy tale castle tour, my wife was simply rabid. “Kaiser Wilhelm!” she begged me, “Conquer me, please! As Wilhelm said before starting World War I, give me a place in the sun!” “Ein Platz in der Sonne?” I echoed, in my fluent German. “Funny,” it occurred to me. “Platz is German for ‘place,’ while platzen means ‘to explode.’ Are you trying to tell me something, honey?” “Jawohl, Herr Kaiser!” she shrieked. Suddenly, an image of those sexy, corn-fed Bavarian beer-tent girls flashed in my head, as armies of them carried out liter-sized mugs of wheat beer, four in each hand… all for me. This was the intoxicating bounty of Generic Viagra. “Sir Wilhelm!” she said, as she unzipped my pants, “Did you know that the German for knight is Ritter, which literally means ‘rider’?” I took her hint, pulled out my lance, and proceeded to ride her into the ground. After a couple of hours of hard riding and World War I, she begged me to stop the fighting on her Eastern front, to sign a treaty of Brest-Litovsk. “Breast?” I asked. “I’ll sign both of them.” Once again I unsheathed my Excaliber, knighted her with it, and used it to sign my name across her heaving treaties. Do I have to spell it out for you, guys? These are the mighty powers with which Generic Viagra has endowed me.

Pete’s friends knew that he had a problem but he simply wouldn’t discuss it with them. They were very worried about him as he really hadn’t been himself for weeks now. He was quiet and sullen and, having been a bit of a sharp dresser and one for the ladies, he had become scruffy and rude when they were all out in a bar, chatting up girls.
Mike and Al spoke among themselves and tried to figure it out.
“You know, ever since he was diagnosed as being diabetic, he has been terrible – erratic and unpredictable,” said Mike
"I know,” said Al, “I wonder what is wrong…” Now, usually they didn’t discuss their deep feelings, men in the pub very seldom do, but they all had a strong bond and had been friends since they were 6 years old.
That night, while in the changing rooms at the gym, they tried again but Pete was giving nothing away and said that he was fine, in the end he became annoyed and told them to mind their own business and stormed out of the changing room.
They decided that something had to be done and instead of going out for a beer after the gym, they went back to Mike’s to find out what they could about diabetes.
Ten minutes later they sat open-mouthed and horrified.
“Wow! Possible impotence as a result of diabetes, surely not Pete, he’s such an alpha male,” said Mike, looking very sad for his friend.
“It may not be that, perhaps he is just miserable about all the injections and testing he has to do,” suggested Al.
“Don’t be silly, look at the facts – he won’t ask a girl out on a date and he and Sarah have been flirting for months and really seemed to building up to something; he won’t tell us what it is and if it was just the injections he would at least moan to us about it; and he has lost his confidence – as if he doesn’t feel like a man anymore. Come on… he can’t get it up.” The horror of a man’s worst nightmare happening to their virile, young friend lest them speechless.
“We have to help him,”
“Yes, but we can’t let him know we know, he obviously doesn’t want that – he doesn’t want to lose face.”
They mulled over the problem and researched a bit more and discovered that Generic Viagra or Generic Cialis could help him to maintain an erection for long periods of time and that they worked with the body and only responded to actual sexual stimulation.
“At least he won’t have to walk around with a hard on for hours until he meets the right girl,” sniggered Al, who was feeling a lot better for Pete once he realised that there was a solution.
They ordered some literature on the subject and casually mentioned that Al’s cousin was having trouble with his wife as a result of an accident at work. Al tossed the information sheets onto the table and said he was dropping by to give them to his cousin later that evening. Pete hadn’t said a word during the conversation and appeared to ignore the pamphlets on the table but when the other two got up to play pool, they saw him slip one into his bag.
A week later, as Pete stood kissing Sarah at the bar, all is confidence restored, they grinned at one another.

“Looks like he read the info on Generic Viagra then!”

Big Chief Standing Tall sat looking over the prairie at his buffalo. He was the leader of a tribe of Native Americans and was highly respected by many other tribes in the area. His sexual prowess was legendary – hence the name, and he more than lived up to his reputation!
However, today was a bad day indeed. He had taken his wife Always Wants More to the tepee for a little recreational afternoon play and discovered to his horror that he was unable to last the distance. He was terrified that the tribe would find out and he would be usurped by a younger, fitter Chief, and even worse, that his name would be changed to something terrible like Big Chief Wilts Like A Flower. A similar thing had happened to another leader in the area so his fears were founded. Also another brave, Goes Like A Train, was beginning to challenge his authority and he knew that he must quash any signs of weakness.
His wife was sworn to secrecy, but he knew that women talk and that he must make this an isolated incident if he was to retain his power.
He thought hard, he needed an ancient remedy to help him but he couldn’t talk to the tribe’s wise man, Brain Like a Planet, as he may tell the other men in the tribe.
He sat still and carefully made a fire – he would send a message to his good friend, Little Chief Good Technique, who was also renowned for his sexual performances and hopefully he would have some herbs and a potion that would restore his member to its previous glory.
The smoke wafted over the mountains, “Can’t get it up, disaster, send remedy ASAP.”
Shortly a cloud of smoke rose up from the other tribal area and he knew that help was at hand.
"Forget herbs, white man remedy best, buy Generic Viagra," came the reply. What on earth was Generic Viagra? Big Chief Standing Tall knew he must go off the reservation and seek a doctor.
He mounted his horse and, pretending he was off on a solitary hunting trip, bade the tribe farewell.
He arrived at the town in a few hours and found a local medic, who knew all about the drugs he wanted.
“A man of your high standing should try Generic Cialis,” he said, “It lasts for three days – you may even beat your previous record,” he added, handing over a package of little pills.
He chief was pleased and swore that if the doctor told anyone he would put an arrow through his head. The doctor shrugged, “You are the third chief to visit me in a week," he said. "It seems that the local chiefs are getting old! Your secret is safe with me!"
The satisfied chief returned to his tribe and snatched his wife from her place by the campfire. A giggle arose and he knew he had been discovered, so he was even more determined to prove them wrong.
The tepee shook and rustled as he demonstrated his new staying power and the tribe was amazed that they didn’t see the Chief and his wife for three days. They finally left the tent and received a round of applause.

The next day the Big Chief Standing Tall sent another message to his friend Little Chief Good Technique, "Good advice, I have a new name – Big Chief Stands Tall For A Week!”

It’s me, Erekticles. No, I’m not Greek, just a stupid American tourist named Bill (that’s William the Conqueror to you!) whose sexual prowess, inspired by the Generic Viagra I took with me on my Grand Tour of Europe, has won me a long series of exotic nicknames from my wife, who, after months and months of languishing in a bed with the sex life of a refrigerator, was getting it done to her like a girl waiting at the docks-night, after night, after night. Generic Viagra had given me the same freedom of movement I used to have-I could make the earth move for her anytime of day. All I had to do was take a pill a half-hour or so before I expected sexual landfall. Then, when we made contact, blood was allowed to rush into my flaccid manflesh in a natural, mighty torrent, producing an erection as monumental as the Great Pyramid. Generic Viagra had done nothing less than revive a sex life that was at death’s door.

There was just one little problem. Well, not a problem-call it a minor inconvenience. My advances were becoming more daring, more public-this Generic Viagra had turned me back into a college student! I wanted more adventurous, more exotic encounters, like a real sex tourist. During the first leg of our journey, we’d limited our sex romps to the bedrooms of our five-star hotels, to train compartments in Italy, or to the cabin of our Mediterranean cruise ship. But now, Generic Viagra was inspiring me to be… more inspired. As a general rule, I decided that wherever I got an erection would be where I came. I didn’t warn my wife about this new policy, however-and when she became frightened by size and length of the Great Sphinx’s “tail,” she put her arm around my waist-and gave me a raging Saharan hard-on in the middle of the freaking desert. Yep, turns out Generic Viagra does have side effects! I mean, generally speaking, public sex isn’t always that risky-not when there’s a secluded corner in a restaurant (not to mention a table to work under), or a bathroom stall, or even the seat in the back of some bus. Been there, done that-back in college, and with my wife, believe it or not! But Generic Viagra brought out the male instinct in me-and there in the desert, I learned an important military principle-that one can manufacture cover out of the slightest folds in the earth. What seems like a flat, coverless desert is full of hiding places, full of obstacles to block prying eyes. Sand dunes, of course.

This was the solution that Generic Viagra showed me: I took her back behind one of those sand dunes, and sure enough, I realized that even the pyramids were suddenly obscured behind it-I hoped my sun-obscuring Johnson would be too! I convinced myself that no other dumb tourists would show up with their cameras to take pictures of my Luxor Palace column, and unstrapped my fanny-pack full of Generic Viagra (don’t laugh, if Ramses wants to wear a Pharaoh phanny-pack, he wears it). There was no need to take more-I’d popped one of those Miracle Grow pills before this excursion even began, because I was feeling naughty. Well, as anyone who’s had sex on the beach knows, sand isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! That’s not the kind of friction we’re looking for! So I took of my safari hat, set it down in the little valley between sand dunes, dropped my trousers, and sat down on it. Give credit to Generic Viagra – Ramses the Second (my manhood, I mean) was bulging and pulsating. She lifted up that cute little skirt she was wearing, lowered herself carefully onto me, and rode me into the ground. Hey, let her do all the work, for once on this trip! This was perhaps the boldest encounter Generic Viagra had given us yet-except, perhaps, for the one at the Parthenon. But I could tell it was only a sign of things to come.

Rhianna had been putting up with her husband’s bad moods and lack of physical attention for months now. She knew he was having a terrible time at work and didn’t want to make his stresses even worse. She was understanding and sympathetic but she didn’t know the full truth, James, her husband wasn’t being horrible to her because he was stressed at work, he was having worse problems… the vile tempers he was experiencing were made a lot worse because he was temporarily impotent as a result of all the hard work, overtime and high-level negotiations that he was doing. He could cope with the work issues but he hated not being able to make love to his wife. This was making him irrational and really moody and horrible to her, when all he really wanted was to sweep her off her feet and to go on a romantic weekend by the sea.
He daydreamed about the times they had spend at the lakes, skinny dipping and eating marshmallows roasted by the camp fire. It had been so exciting, kissing in the moonlight and rolling naked in the long grass.
Right, he was filled with desperation and desire and he determined to find a solution.
Rhianna greeted him at the door with a smile and he kissed her forehead.
“We are going away,” he declared. She couldn’t believe it, he seemed so different, calm, secure and not at all moody. He gave her a deep kiss and hugged her tight.
“Wear the green dress,” he whispered. This was his favourite dress and he never made it through an evening without tearing it off her and passionately making love to her. Her heart quickened, what had changed?
She packed a bag and off they went in his open-topped car, her green dress rode up her leg and he caressed her thigh. She giggled, this was more like the man she had married, but still she was puzzled, what was the secret?
Two days later they left the hotel room for the first time the whole weekend and she finally asked him what had changed.
“I did what I do best,” he replied, ” I solved a problem, only this time it wasn’t work related, but personal.”
He showed her an article about stress-related impotence and she began to understand. “I couldn’t tell you as I was embarrassed so I took it out on you instead, I’m sorry,” he smiled ruefully, “Then I realised that I wanted to be your husband again so I did some research and I found Generic Viagra and Generic Cialis on the Internet. I ordered Generic Cialis as it last longer… and here we are!” He smiled, “I hope you don’t mind.”

Mind? She grinned, “Have you got anymore; I want to go away next weekend as well!”

Call me Ishmael. William the Conqueror, Wilhem Meister, Phallus Augustus, Erekticles… I don’t even know my own name anymore, thanks to my wife’s nicknames. During our European tour, she’s been thinking up new appellations to denote my rekindled sexual prowess every time we visit a new country. Chalk it all up to Generic Viagra. I bought some of the stuff in a desperate bid to get it up long enough to pleasure my wife at least once during our silver anniversary trip. Boy, have those expectations been exceeded. Ever enjoyed a romantic moonlit night on the balcony of your five-star hotel, with nothing on-and found yourself instinctively crouching, worried somehow that your titanic light-year-long Johnson might knock the moon from its orbit? This was the sort of apocalyptic power that Generic Viagra had… endowed me with. I can tell you that my wife thought the end of the world was at hand a couple of times, when I’d almost pounded her into a state of transcendence. And she welcomed the deluge that followed. Ever hear the Chinese folk tale about the girl who swallows the ocean? Well, I married that girl. Generic Viagra had inspired our sex life, pulled it from its coffin, so to speak. Because, already I my age, I was a man with one appendage in the grave-and I’m not talking about my foot. Every night, my wife would try to touch me, strumming my pain with her fingers-and the damn thing just rolled over on its side like a sick dog. Killing me softly, you might say. That was my life before I ordered Generic Viagra and took it along on our trip.

Now we’d made it (barely) to our hotel room in Cairo, where immediately I’d given it to her hard and rough-which won me my new title: Ramses. You know, because of all the ramming I’d been doing, thanks to Generic Viagra. Later, of course, she’d see a real similarity between me and those four colossal seated statues of of the Great Pharaoh at Abu Simbel. Of course, my namesake was seated-all four of him. My wife immediately began comparing me to them. “But honey, there are four statues here!” “Pharaoh, since you’ve been taking Generic Viagra, I sometimes feel you’re ramming me in four orifices at once.” “Four?” I said, puzzled. She didn’t explain what she meant-must have been something metaphysical (although certainly not Platonic!). “He’s sitting a bit oddly,” she remarked. “Doesn’t he look a little… stiff?” “Honey, who’s the Art History major here? Don’t you know that all Egyptian sculpture looks like that? Things only became more naturalistic with the Greeks.” But I could tell she had that Generic Viagra look in her eye. “No, look,” she said, squinting. “He’s pitching a tent, big time. He should take off that headdress and cover his lap with it.” “Or invite Queen Nefertitty to sit in his lap,” I added, like a sex-obsessed schoolboy. “Pervert!” my wife gasped mockingly.

Later, in a museum, we saw Ramses himself-the mummy, that is. What a sobering sight that was! I swear, I thought my wife was going to cry. “Honey, look at him, dark and shriveled, like a sun-dried fig, like an old, broken stick!” She wiped a tear from her eye. “This is how you looked before Generic Viagra!” I frowned, but I had to agree. But then, Ramses had been preserved in this fashion to meet his harem of virgins in the afterlife. I too had passed through the valley of the shadow of sexual death, of premature impotence, of horrific flaccidness, only to rise from the ashes. Thanks to Generic Viagra, I was destined to endure for the ages-like the Great Pyramids of Giza.

It’s me, Billy the Kid. Yeah, that’s the name I’d give myself, because I sure feel like a kid again since I’ve started taking Generic Viagra. And my wife has been feeling like a woman again, and in multiple languages. One day, in England, she’s calling me William the Conqueror; the next, in Germany, it’s Wilhelm Meister-ever since I took some Generic Viagra, along with my wife, on our silver anniversary tour of Europe, she’s been dreaming up nationally inspired nicknames for me, in light of that old sexual prowess that Generic Viagra has restored to me. Not only has this silver anniversary tour felt like our honeymoon-it feels like college, where we first met, and where we first “got it on” on that rock-hard twin bed, while my roommate was in class. I’m as rock-hard as that bed and I both were back then, when I’d start giving it to her the second my roommate would step out, and give it long and hard until he came back four periods later. This wasn’t the “old college try”-I was banging her with reckless abandon. Back before I needed any erectile dysfunction medications, she was always amazed by my endurance. And when erectile dysfunction struck me, I’d often lose myself in my memories of those fine, not-so-innocent days when getting an erection was the least of my problems. Finally, I stopped wallowing in self-pity, and got down to business: I ordered some Generic Viagra, just in time for our Grand Tour.

My dedicated Generic Viagra story readers have already heard how, in France, I took my long, buttery baguette and put it in her breadbasket, for the first time in months. How, during our Germany tour, I jousted her with my proud, shimmering lance, like some medieval knight of old. Well, you guess it: now we’re in Italy, and my name is Maximus. Or something else ending in -us. Even when we arrived in Florence, she said it was high time we spend some “us” time, as in “coitus.” So I took some Generic Viagra, and by the time I’d moved our luggage up to the room, I pulled out my gladiator’s sword and gave her sexus aplentymus. “You’ll be glad to know,” I told her, as our bodies slowly simmered down afterwards, “that the word gladiator actually comes from gladius, the Latin for sword.” “You have slain me with your broadsword, your scimitar, your Augustus Erectissimus,” she purred. Isn’t it great how something as inexpensive and readily available as Generic Viagra can make you feel like yourself again?

Before we left our adventures in Florence and moved on to the Eternal City of Rome, we saw Michelangelo’s “David,” who was hung like the Colossus of Rhodes. “That’s the Eighth Wonder of the World for you,” said my wife, staring up at his “slingshot.” “Reminds me of you with your Generic Viagra,” she said friskily. “Long range, deadly accurate, and hard as stone.” With that dirty talk, I took her right back to the hotel and laid low her Goliath. That night, in the train cabin bound for Rome, it was just more of the same. “David, plow your steam locomotive into my mountain tunnel!” I promptly did so, to the rhythm of the train, as we watched the peaks of the Appenines roll by in our window. When I was done, we were rolling past vineyards, and so I ordered my wife some Italian wine to celebrate with. “Here’s to Generic Viagra,” she said, raising her glass. “Here’s to -us!” I added, as our glasses clinked.