I suppose a lot of men catch themselves daydreaming about their carefree college days-especially if they’re having a little erectile dysfunction problem, and would rather live in the past than order some Generic Viagra. With a problem as humiliating as that can be, who wouldn’t seek comfort in memories of one’s glory days? Somehow it’s a lot easier to daydream than to get real and order some Generic Viagra. I often remember my days in the cheerleading squad. That’s right, I was a male cheerleader. Yeah, scoff all you want. But keep in mind who it was that rode in the same bus with the female cheerleaders! Sure, some of the really cute ones may have had a thing the team quarterback-but rest assured, they knew who to turn to in the locker room when they needed a good old-fashioned pounding. Back in the days before I dreamed of ever needing Generic Viagra, I was one of those guys. I’m talking about the guys they could trust to toss them into the air, stick their hands up their little cheerleading skirts, and hold them aloft while they rah-rah-rahed during the game, then catch them when they fell. Besides, there was something phallic about those big megaphones we were always brandishing, and huffing and shouting and grunting into. Something about it made their little pom-poms quiver, I guess.

I ordered some Generic Viagra not long before my ten-year college reunion, when I knew the cheerleading squad would be getting back together near the football field. I was curious to see whether or not the years had been kind to Cindy-back in the day, she was a little hottie, let me tell you. She used to wear me out in the locker room. I was hoping so much to see her, and to “renew acquaintances,” that I finally ordered the Generic Viagra, although I’d been putting it off for some time. It arrived just in time, and no one was the wiser; I kept it discreetly in my pants pocket, ready to extract whenever the opportunity arose. I took some just before the cheerleader gathering. And sure enough, when I saw Cindy standing at the fifty-yard line, in her old cheerleading outfit, I could feel that… opportunity arising. Thanks to Generic Viagra, I had an erection like a flagpole. I walked up to her, deliberately flaunting my hard-on-because she looked great. “Cindy!” I said, “Let’s do it!” “Our routine, you mean?” she joked flirtatiously. Without further ado, I grabbed her little waist and tossed her up into the air, catching her with one hand, my palm forming a nice little seat for her taut little… seat. My Generic Viagra erection raging and fuming, I looked up and watched that little skirt billowing in the breeze, just like old days-and I saw a little something inside that skirt, too.

I carried her right off the field, and into the bowels of the stadium… past the empty locker room, and into the shower area. There wasn’t a soul around. She unzipped my fly, and gasped with joy as my team mascot jumped out of my pants. It was all natural-she had no idea I’d been taking Generic Viagra. After paying me lip service, she quickly tore the rest of my clothes off; I simply reached under her cheerleading skirt and slipped her panties aside, turned on the shower, and took her against the wall as she lathered my chest and shoulders up with some soap. Thanks to Generic Viagra, there was no stopping me. I’d like to see a quarterback take a girl with that kind of authority! Afterwards, Cindy complained joyfully that she couldn’t walk. I carried her tenderly to my car, and drove her to the nearest five-star restaurant! We’d outgrown college food, and besides, we had a lot to celebrate-including Generic Viagra.

Hello, Generic Cialis literature lovers! I’ve got some literature for you to consider! My name is Prof. Getyurrokssov, a famous (OK, completely obscure) professor of Russian literature, whose hobby is chasing after coeds. It can be hard for an aging man like me to keep up with those little Lolitas, and teach them the ways of the world! Lately I’ve had to begin using Generic Cialis to fuel my pursuit of those sassy young women. Sure, I could get fired for such romances, but hell, I don’t give one damn about that! I want to live! Just yesterday I was lecturing on that classic Russian work, Crime and Punishment. My class (all females-I have quite a reputation as a “lecturer”!) gasped when I told them how Raskolnikov decided to become the übermensch by toting his giant tool around town, hidden beneath his overcoat, and pulling it out on unsuspecting women, young and old. He still reminds me of myself in my younger days, before Generic Cialis, when I used to roam the dorms of my fellow graduate students, sending them into other dimensions with my battle-axe. I was like Pechorin, the hero of A Hero of Our Time, who was known for capturing sultry Causacisan maidens and keeping them as sex slaves in his mountain tent. They pouted at first, but after a night with him, they were more than happy to stick around. He would have laughed at the very idea of Generic Cialis.

Of course, I might have too, until just a few months ago. I suppose a lot of men do. They think they’re manhood is indestructible, and immortal. Then, one fine day, they can’t get a hard-on, and they realize that maybe Generic Cialis isn’t so silly after all! They look down at their battle-scarred rod, and think what Tolstoy must have felt after he got his mercury treatment for the VD he caught-they wonder whether it’ll ever be good for anything. Well, Tolstoy bounced back-he was wandering around his estate, with that beard of his and his giant staff, teaching perky young peasant wenches their ABC’s until he was ninety. So just imagine what a comeback you can enjoy with Generic Cialis! Once, at a resort in the Crimea, Tolstoy asked Chekhov if he had banged a lot of wenches in his youth. Chekhov was shy, and wouldn’t answer. But hey, this was the guy who wrote The Cherry Orchard! This was a guy who mowed down entire forests of cherry trees with his shiny axe!

Did you know that Pushkin, Russia’s greatest poet, had a foot fetish? He makes no bones about it, so to speak-he admits it in the opening chapter of his greatest work, Eugene Onegin. I can’t say I’m a foot man, myself-although, as excited as I get with Generic Cialis, I’m open to working with any part of the female anatomy. Of course, Pushkin’s most famous work is his long poem, The Bronze Horseman. It’s about a statue of Peter the Great who’s hung like a stallion, and comes to life, and horrifies every woman in St. Petersburg with the bronze idol between his legs. I’ll tell you, my massive bronze colossus has come to life lately, thanks to Generic Cialis! Did you know they keep Rasputin’s schlang in a jar of formaldehyde in a Petersburg museum? Pretty morbid, huh? But hey, what man wouldn’t be proud to live on after his death? But it’s still too early to think about such things-I’m a young man! Barely forty, but feeling like I’m in my twenties, now that I’ve started my Generic Cialis regimen.

Howdy there, partner! Glad you’re back to gather around the campfire with me, old Cowboy Dick, to hear the rest of my Generic Viagra story. It’s a ignorant story, for sure, but that because I ain’t nothing but a stupid hayseed. But I’m a bronco in the bedroom, I can tell you that. I like doing it to a little lady out on the desert floor, beneath the stars. I remember the first time I took little Suzy outdoors to do it, among the cactuses. Back before I needed Generic Viagra, I was a raging beast. Let me tell you, she got bit by my fat rattler that night-she barely survived! But the next evening, when that sunset started to glow in the West, she wanted more. So we left our mint juleps on the back porch and moseyed out into the cacti for more rattlesnake action. She liked to ride me sidesaddle-first at a nice, slow trot.

Then she’d get fearless, and spur me in the buttocks, and whip me, and drive me into a furious gallop, like as if we was running from Injuns. I didn’t need Generic Viagra to respond; my Billy the Kid would fire double-fisted, spraying silver bullets right past her head-you know, just to scare her a bit. She got a real kick out of that. Because riding me was just like riding one of them bulls in the rodeo, which is what I do for a living. It ain’t a game-it can be a matter of life and death, if you don’t know what you’re doing. I only realized how dangerous I’d been when I began needing Generic Viagra, and began daydreaming about my past rolls in the hay. A woman who was young and silly might well go and get herself kilt, trying to ride my mustang. Anyway, you can see the kind of sex my gal Suzy was used to getting before my erectile dysfunction problem surfaced. After months of delay, I finally admitted that this grizzled old cowboy needed a helping hand, and I ordered my Generic Viagra. I just praise the stars that I did.

Because when she wasn’t able to ride the rattler, Suzy got downright depressed, until I ordered my Generic Viagra. I’d look into those eyes of hers, and they were as empty as a border wasteland… a long, hot ride to nowhere. Soon she couldn’t even cry anymore. Her Rio Grande had gone and dried up, and she was left to thirst, day after day, in that hot desert. She begged me to order Generic Viagra, which it turns out has been around for almost a decade up in New York City, but around the rodeo tent, we’d just heard of it a few weeks back. At first I thought it was some kind of Mexican food. Then I learned that it was a sauce to spice up my big burly burrito between my legs. One of the younger cowboys actually told me he’d gotten some Generic Viagra in Santa Fe, and had been using it to great effect for several weeks now. I realized then, coming from him, that it wasn’t just that I was some washed-up old geezer who’d been thrown from one too many bulls. If a younger fellah like him needed the stuff, then I realized that age and health didn’t have much to do with it. I was just overstressed. He told me I wasn’t getting enough blood flow to my talleywhacker, and that if you don’t have proper circulation, you’ll never get a woody woodpecker. I said that sounded like plain old common sense. So I got him to order me some Generic Viagra on something he called the Internet. I think that’s something like the Pony Express mail service, except it goes through the television or something.

I met my wife back in college, when we were both in the marching band, and long, long before I ever needed any Generic Cialis. That’s right, the marching band. Don’t even step to that, all you former football players! The boys in the band got their share of women too. True, most of the girls wore glasses-but you should’ve seen some of them with their glasses off, not to mention certain other accessories. Who would have thought that I’d ever need Generic Cialis to respond properly to the girls in the band when my ten-year college reunion rolled around! I played the flute. That’s right, I’m secure enough in my manhood (thanks now to Generic Cialis) to admit it. Any cheerleader who’s wandered “accidentally” into the band’s shower will tell you, if she’s been injected with “truth serum,” that, oddly enough, the size of a band member’s instrument is inversely proportional to the size of his… instrument. The guys who try to get noticed with those hulking tubas, the big drums, the trombones… those are the guys who could’ve used Generic Cialis even in college. Unfortunately for them, Generic Cialis can only treat erectile dysfunction, it doesn’t treat smallness! Nope, only the players who were hung like a mustang (our team mascot) had the cahones to play something like the flute. We were secure like that… no silly complexes. And when those cheerleaders would wander into our shower, they’d push the trombone player aside, preferring instead the flute players’ long, brassy shafts.

Those where the days before Generic Cialis. Now, as the ten-year reunion was approaching, I was feeling a bit older, and a bit wiser. Wise enough, at least, to finally order some medical treatment for my little erectile dysfunction problem. I hadn’t had a normal erection in months, and after a period of denial, I realized that it was time to take action-especially if didn’t want to disappoint those former cheerleaders and female band members at the reunion. So I ordered my Generic Cialis, and it arrived in no time; I hid some away in my wallet, to be ready whenever it was time to “strike up the band.” I knew that all it would take was some better circulation down there in my bass drum, to get that lumbering giant back into shape. A lot of people think that you pop some Generic Cialis, then find yourself walking around with a protruding flute for six hours straight. That’s not quite it. All it does is allow you to respond naturally when the time comes. You can take a pill whenever you sense opportunity knockers… um, I mean, knocking… and in no time, you’ll react to her touch the same way you used to.

I’d heard all this about Generic Cialis, but I didn’t have proof myself until the reunion. I took one of my pills as we all stood around in the band room, with the other band members and cheerleaders, and when I found myself surrounded, suddenly, by several familiar… faces at the snackbar, I realized, to my amazement, that I was getting an earth-shaking erection. So that’s all it took! Generic Cialis was amazing! A couple of my old favorites noticed it, winked at each other, and, with one in each arm, I led them away to relive old times. Before I knew it, we were down in the locker room, which hadn’t changed a bit. Those girls hadn’t either-they were hot. I won’t even get into what I… got into. I gave it to both of those girls on a locker room bench. When it was all finally over, I swear, they grabbed up their clothes and started looking for their bookbags, asking me if they were late for class! Apparently, they had drunk from the fountain of youth…

It’s William the Conqueror, here with more triumphant sex stories from my Grand Tour of Europe. Sure, those who aren’t familiar with my work might assume that I got my hands on some Generic Viagra and went off for a mid-life crisis tour of the Old World, banging girls I met in the bars of every European capital. Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not like that at all. After all, this was my silver anniversary trip with my wife, and I ordered the Generic Viagra especially in time for it, in a desperate attempt to overcome my little erectile dysfunction problem. Needless to say, it worked. It’s all about blood flow, and my hot, rejuvenated blood was flowing down every inch of me, pumping it up to a rock-hard, bright red dragonslayer. After conquering Paris, Munich, Cairo, Rome, Athens, and Prague, it was time to move further east, to wintry Russia. As we prepared to leave, my wife told me that my Mr. Johnson already looked like he was wearing one of those fur hats, with the ear-flaps down. She said that since we’d begun feeding him Generic Viagra, he’d become a regular Siberian bear. We touched down in Moscow and were greeted with that fine city’s official seal, which shows St. George spearing a dragon with his long lance. I could sure relate to that. Nietzsche wrote that women were like a flower-covered cave when young-but that later, a dragon emerges. How right he was! I remember the days before I ordered Generic Viagra – my wife was like a fire-breathing harpy! This is what happens when a woman is undersexed. And now, look at me-taking my wife for a hard-core sex tour of Europe. Now, she was taking her little pole-dancing routine to the very gates of Asia.

We got off of our Aeroflot plane (it was all I could do to keep from getting off on our Aeroflot plane, with my huge erection, bulging like a monumental statue of Lenin!). I’d taken some Generic Viagra with my in-flight meal, as usual, so as to be rough and ready by the time we made it to our hotel. We took a taxi and went straight there, ran to our room, and locked the door, and I fed her a big Russian sausage; afterwards, we found some vodka in our mini-bar fridge, and drank a toast with some black caviar. Here’s to Generic Viagra! Then we ventured out into the snowy streets of Moscow, walking from our hotel, down Tverskaya, and right onto Red Square. My wife, the Art History major, stood gasping before the exotic onion domes of St. Basil’s Cathedral; she said they were remarkably whimsical. I’d seen her gasp like that atop my exotic onion dome more than once on this trip! We decided to step into Lenin’s mausoleum and have a look at the old guy. How depressing! I’m not a pinko Commie or anything, but still, it’s depressing to see a man who had shaken the earth all dead and shriveled-up like that, like an old wax candle. He was tiny! It all reminded me of my manhood before Generic Viagra – back then, I was afraid I’d have to mummify it and send it to an early grave.

Luckily, though, things hadn’t reached that desperate stage. I’d gotten past all of my worries and ordered the freaking Generic Viagra already. Now my manhood was throbbing, stiff, and dynamic-like our great leader, Stalin! After our visit to pay homage to Lenin, we ran across Red Square, to this huge shopping mall, where my wife tried on some Russian fur coats. Real fur, of course-just like the kind my manhood wears! Seeing her in those soft, cuddly furs made my Generic Viagra act up again. A short taxi ride, and we were back at the hotel-she in nothing but her fur coat, riding me like there was no tomorrow.

Gather round the campfire with me, Cowboy Dick, and I’ll rustle up a Generic Viagra story. She was a lady, mister. A lonely, undersexed lady. That was back when I met her, when I first started out as a rodeo rider. For the next five years, she rode this wild, raging bronco between my legs for lengths of time the judges had never dreamed of. Now, things had come full circle: she was undersexed again, and I was considering using Generic Viagra. Without warning, that wild, muscle-bound bull down there decided to become Chief Sitting Bull. Just sat there, all stoic and in perfect harmony with the earth, refusing to do anything. Maybe it was all my years of getting thrown from real bulls, breaking ribs and whatnot-it was as if all of those broken bones had finally led to the most important bone in my body to be weakened. I’m just an ignorant cowboy, and at some point I wondered if I had osteoporosis in my penis. Then I found out that only women get that-old, decrepit women, with sagging breasts and wrinkled bee-hinds. Oh, and after further Generic Viagra research, I learned that there’s actually not a bone in the penis. It just feels that way when that tissue gets engorged with blood. Then it rears up and starts a-buckin’. And just hold on for dear life, ladies, lest you be tossed and roughed up-possibly gored! Especially when Generic Viagra is used. It’s a horny, dangerous beast, with no regard for human life. And when it sees red, there ain’t no telling what it’ll take a mind to do.

More about my wife, before I tell you more about my Generic Viagra saved my Billy the Kid from a premature death. Yeah, I met her back during one of my first rodeo rides, in some pitiful little tent out in a godforsaken town near the Mexican border. I got tossed, sure enough, and trampled around a bit by the raging bull. Damn near shat my pants too, by golly. They must have fed the thing Generic Viagra, to get it riled up like that. I was lying there, feeling like my face had been broken, when old Suzy jumped out of the grandstands, hit the bull with her purse (the bull fainted), ran up to where I was lying motionlessly, and straddled my body, and asked me to do it to her! She said I was the cutest cowboy she’d ever seen, and she wanted to have a peek at the cactus underneath my jeans. Back then, of course, I didn’t need Generic Viagra. I said, “Honey, I can’t move. I can’t hardly talk. I reckon I can’t properly give you a branding any time soon.” “Then why do you have a woody, cowboy?” “I’ll be darned,” I said. She was right. I could feel it now. Looking up at her bra-less breast dangling over me, I’d gotten a hard-on the size of Oklahoma. I got up, decided the doctor visit could wait until tomorrow, and took her back to my ranch, where I banged her on the back porch until the cows came home (literally).

She was the most sex-starved little thing I ever did see. She wanted it morning, noon, and night. And I gave it to her, until the need for Generic Viagra set in. She’d come to expect a lot of me. So you can imagine how devastated she was the first time she straddled me and asked for a ride, and that dumb beast between my legs. I realized that I’d have to do something, and decided to order some Generic Viagra. Boy, did I get the results she wanted! It was like a trip back through the sex-time continuum. I’ll continue my ignorant hayseed sex story later, though!

So, the other day-the very day before I ordered my first batch of Generic Viagra-I stopped in to see my psychologist. Yes, I have a psychologist, I admit it. For some reason, I only realized later that, oddly enough, the time I first signed up with him was the same time when I realized I was having problems getting an erection. Coincidence? I think not! Instead of being smart and ordering some Generic Viagra-that is, getting a medical treatment for a simple medical disorder-I decided to be all subtle and psychological. I was sure that it was a mental thing, even a subconscious thing. I didn’t “want” it enough, or, perhaps, I wanted it too much! Maybe I couldn’t “envision” myself with an erection, because I had a self-image problem. Or maybe it was a Freudian thing. Maybe I had repressed memories of walking in on the “primal scene” between my parents, and was suffering insecurity, because I still saw my father as a sexual rival. The things we dream up instead of ordering Generic Viagra! Now, it all seems so foolish. First of all, I was never, never attracted to my mother, Dr. Freud! Dr. Freud can go get probed with a cigar, for all I care. I’m past that stage in my life. I got practical, and ordered Generic Viagra, and never looked back. Now the women in my life recognize me again in the bedroom.

What was the turning point? What made me break down and buy some Generic Viagra over the Internet? How did I break the cycle of self-pity and denial? Well, oddly enough, I had one hell of a good psychologist! Here’s what happened during my final visit, when, out of nowhere, he cured me completely, by prescribing Generic Viagra. I walk in and stretch out on the couch, in front of another man (what was I thinking?!), then waited anxiously for him to probe my sub-consciousness. “You’re deeply disturbed,” he observed immediately. “Oh, yes I am, Dr.!” I admitted, then fell into complete hysterics. “I just can’t get past the shame and the denial, and I feel that I have a messiah complex in the bedroom-I want to save her world, and redeem her, but I’m kept from doing so by my erectile dysfunction; I mean, I’d order some Generic Viagra, but I just think the problem runs a lot deeper than just some medical condition-I think it’s a sort of Napoleon complex-I feel that I’m smaller than other men, because I’m eternally flaccid, and then I try to overcompensate by eating raw oysters and working out, and when that doesn’t work, I feel inferior, and begin hating myself, and scolding my Johnson for his lack of empathy, because I feel that he’s behaving selfishly, and that if I buy him some Generic Viagra, I’ll just be an enabler, because I know he has a problem, but it’s one he just needs to work through himself, without drugs or alcohol, and also, my mother didn’t love me…”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” the good doctor screamed, throwing his notepad to the floor. “Are you freaking crazy? YOU SOUND LIKE A WOMAN!” he howled. He took off his glasses and went on a full tirade. “Let me get this straight: you refuse to order Generic Viagra, because you ‘feel’ that it might be ‘enabling’ for ‘Mr. Johnson’ to treat ‘him’ for a simple medical problem? That’s just crazy talk! Listen to yourself, man! Get a grip! Your mother didn’t love you, and now you have erectile dysfunction? Your running around town eating raw oysters and holding hysterical arguments with your twig and berries in the shower? Go home right now and order some Generic Viagra. I never want to see you again, unless it’s in a bar, somewhere where men gather. I’ll be glad to listen to your sexual success stories over a beer. But I’m not listening to this psychobabble garbage anymore!”

I may never have been the high school quarterback, but I’ve always called my own plays in the bedroom. Especially with my current girlfriend, who’s as obsessed with American football as I am, and loves nothing better than to get dirty on the gridiron. Until recently, when it began to appear that I’d need to order some Generic Viagra, she had all sorts of honorifics for the Titan between my legs. Her favorite nickname for my manhood was “Knute Rockne” (after the famous football coach, because of my rock-hard pleasure piston, and my “knuts” that were the size of pigskins). Often, in the heat of the moment, she’d simply call me “Heisman.” “Show me your Heisman again…” she’d often ask. Suddenly, though, Heisman had dropped the ball. That Generic Viagra order was looming. I’d had some embarrassing fumbles over the past several months, that’s for sure. More often than not, I was left to watch from the sidelines, as she “ran a keeper.” I won’t explain that one, except to say that she went the distance herself. Another way to put it would be that she “completed the hand-off,” then “hit the showers,” or, more precisely, the shower nozzle. I realized it was high time to order that Generic Viagra, and that I was being silly in procrastinating. I knew that if I didn’t start getting it done, she’d start testing the free agent market, and move to another team.

And she was an integral part of my franchise… I wanted her to stay. I was even thinking of Super Bowl rings. I broke down and ordered my Generic Viagra online, and in a couple of days, I intercepted it from the mailman. Maybe I looked silly, waiting beside the mailbox in my lawnchair. I took the package inside, opened it hurriedly, and took that performance-enhancing drug right away, knowing that soon my girlfriend would be stopping by. I knew that Generic Viagra was supposed to start working within an hour or so, if not less, so I figured I’d give it a shot right away. When I saw her getting out of the car, in that cute little team sweatshirt and tennis skirt… well, Heisman started to stir, and I could tell he wanted the ball. I was amazed at how quickly Generic Viagra had lived up to its promises!

When she opened the door, her eyes got wide when she saw that my Heisman was already on display, and in top physical condition, thanks to Generic Viagra. And she jumped on that loose ball with a quickness-she always had a nose for the loose ball! She said that Knute Rockne looked like one of those fluorescent orange yard markers! In a matter of seconds, I had tackled her onto the couch, and a struggle ensued around midfield. I ran the quarterback sneak, and dived into the pile. Generic Viagra kept me hard and strong for all four quarters; I continued to pound her with some old-fashioned smash-mouth. I pushed deep into the red zone, overpowered her defensive line, and penetrated her goal line-the Packers had taken a decisive lead! True, she did turn the tables on me in the third quarter, pushing me back onto the sofa and riding my Tony Romo hard into the ground. But with the help of Generic Viagra, I got my second wind late in the game, and staged a deliberate, game-winning drive. I marched down the field, and, with time running out, I executed a game-winning field goal all the way from midfield. Afterwards, she asked me what had gotten into me. I didn’t tell her that it was Generic Viagra.

I realize that every man has his horror stories about his mother-in-law. Stories that will make your hair-but not necessarily your penis!-stand on end. Let’s just say it’s not a very arousing topic. And the problems really begin when your dear in-law begins meddling with your love life, and even prescribing Generic Viagra for your inability to keep her precious daughter sexually satisfied. It all started on my wedding night, when she called our honeymoon suite in Hawaii to “check on us young folks,” and see if I was “slipping her the eight-inch wonder.” Her voice is so loud I could hear it coming out of the receiver, as she spoke to my wife, then began talking about how her Earl needed Generic Viagra these days to keep her “regular.” Finally my wife hung up. I had almost-almost-lost my erection, I was so angry. “What the hell was that, honey?! What the hell is she talking about? ‘Keeping her regular’? Is she talking about sex, or bowel movements? And since when did you share my measurements with her? Do I measure up to your old man, honey? I can’t believe I’m spending my honeymoon with my mother-in-law! What, is room service going to bring up some Generic Viagra and champagne now? What’s next?”

I guess I lost it a bit. Luckily, back in those days, I didn’t need any Generic Viagra, so even after this tirade, my one-eyed monster was hard as Hercules; so I forgot about Beulah, my infamous mother in law, and resumed pounding my wife like one of those post-hole drillers you use to erect fences. Her wet, pure, virgin-well, not quite virgin-soil enveloped me like red Alabama clay; I probed more and more deeply, until at last, I struck her molten core, and felt her lava gushing around me. That’s the way things used to be, until I needed Generic Viagra. Between the stress of work, and lack of sleep, and the wear and tear of age, my Big Unit had lost some of the zip on its fastball, to put it mildly. Of course, Beulah’s interference and ridiculous sex tips didn’t help any. The honeymoon incident was just the tip of the iceberg. She’d call every once in a while, just around bedtime, when I’m sure she assumed we’d be doing it-or not doing it, which was her greatest fear for her daughter. She was sure I needed Generic Viagra even before I married her girl, when I was freaking twenty-five years old, and ready to bang anything that moved!

So, as the years passed, and my wife began complaining to her that I really did need some Generic Viagra, she’d begin sharing not only her favorite erectile dysfunction medication, which she mixed liberally with her husband’s dinner (which I’m sure was a mixture of dog food and noodles), but also her favorite sex tips and the positions that “got her off,” especially with Generic Viagra. One time she drove up and started in with a new sex tip: “Let me tell you about a position that always made me randy, young man. When Old Earl was younger, I used to straddle him like a see-saw on the playground, and then…” I stopped her right there. “That’s enough, Beulah, dear. I appreciate all your help. But I know how to pleasure your daughter; I’m into tantric sex. I’ve revealed new dimensions of space and time to your sweetie. Where we’re going, we don’t need roads… So get in your car and drive back home, and stay out of our bed!” With that, I slammed the door in her face; and an hour or so after taking Generic Viagra, I was helping my wife attain Nirvana.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Or should I say, Happy Holidays! Well, look, this story isn’t about to be politically correct-after all, I’ll be talking a lot about erections and penises and Generic Cialis. So, if that sort of thing offends you, you’d best stop reading! But I think a lot of men are going to enjoy what I have to tell about, because they’re going through the same thing I went through. Let me just start by saying that, as this holiday season comes upon us, I’m ready to celebrate like never before. Because this time last year, before I’d ordered my Generic Cialis, things were rough. The most miserable holiday of my life. You know how weepy and moody and depressed women can get around the holidays-and that’s even on good holidays. I guess they start thinking about their mothers or something-look, I’m a man, I can’t explain what sets them off on their pouting escapades. I just hope that any man who knows what I’m talking about will find some Generic Cialis in his stocking this year-because, when you hear my story, you’ll see what a difference it can make. Because you’ve got to give to receive, fellows. And I mean give it hard and long. How else can you cheer up your little Mrs. Claus on those long winter nights? What, you want her to sit around knitting by the fire, or something? Get some Generic Cialis, and let her get pleasured by the fire, that way she really wants it!

If you think it’s bad normally with women around the holiday season, just see what happens when they’re not getting the Yule Log plunged into their Figgy Pudding. When you see what happens, you’ll be rushing to order Generic Cialis, and bang some holiday cheer back into their bedrooms. When you’ve begun taking it, and are spraying egg nog all over the room with your chestnuts roasting on an open fire, you’ll realize that male sexual disorder isn’t about aging, necessarily. Your sexual glory days aren’t behind you; in fact, older men often have amazing endurance that young whipper-snappers can only envy. So before you start feeling like Santa Claus, get some Generic Cialis in your long stocking, and hang it on her chimney with care. She’ll have sugar plums dancing on her heaving chest in no time.

Yeah, last Christmas was a nightmare, because that’s when my party-pooping erectile dysfunction was just beginning-and just in time for the holidays! She wanted sex more than ever on those chilly nights, and right in front of the fireplace, on our shag carpet-that’s what she always liked, in the days before I needed Generic Cialis. I’d take my red-hot poker and rustle up her embers a bit, to really get her fire going. Then I’d douse it liberally, after it had been raging for an hour or so. Once in a while a spark would jump out of the crackling fireplace and land on one of us-now that was a turn-on! After a sip of my famous boiled custard, she was ready for a long winter’s nap. When my problems began, I was skeptical that Generic Cialis could return me to this sort of dominance. I imagined that impotence, the Grinch that stole my chestnuts, would continue to plague me. I thought I’d get depressed and pouty myself. Little did I know how my innocent Christmas day order of Generic Cialis would make for a Happy New Year, in just a matter of days. Just goes to show you-if you’re a man of action, and take concrete measures to deal with your problem, you’ll be a lot happier.