Makes things very convenient, I must say, to have a woman who loves watching hoops. I remember the glory days, before I even needed Generic Cialis, when I gave it to her in the nose-bleed seats of Madison Square Garden during the fourth quarter. How’d I do it, you ask? Let’s just say that the Knicks were getting blown out, and the crowd had thinned, so I spread out her big team jacket on top of us, and blew her out, before driving hard to the hoop. Believe me, those big team jackets can cover a multitude of sins. I’d never have imagined, in those days, that I’d need Generic Cialis. I used to get her off at my place, when she’d stop by for a game on TV. Who wouldn’t enjoy getting their woman off on the sofa, while continuing to watch the game over her shoulder? Brings new meaning to the phrase “come correct.” I always came correct, back before my little erectile dysfunction problem arose, and I began to consider whether or not I should order some Generic Cialis. I hadn’t been getting the playing time I was used to, that’s for sure!

The big game was that Saturday afternoon, and my Generic Cialis arrived, just as scheduled, on Friday morning, right at my doorstep. I had my first dose a half hour or so before my girlfriend was supposed to stop by my place to “watch the game.” I’m sure she didn’t expect to miss a single moment of the action that day, considering how lackluster my play had been. She didn’t know I’d ordered the Generic Cialis! So imagine her surprise when, just after the opening whistle, I bent over and began whistling on her harmonica. She moaned, calling me “His Airness,” and then begged me to crash the boards. I had assumed the triple threat position, that’s for sure! With Generic Cialis, I was a potent offensive threat from long range, hitting several trifectas in a row. Then I drove to the lane, with a nifty give-and-go, and slammed her hard, shattering her backboard. Then I pulled out and delivered the facial. After all was said and done, we finally turned around and looked at the television. It was the fourth quarter. Knicks 104, Pistons 58. These are sorts of results Generic Cialis has given me!

For a week or so there, I’d see Shirley at the lanes, and invite her over to the bar for a soda or something. Pretty lame, when what I really wanted to do was take her out to the parking lot and go bowling for cherries. For some reason I was reluctant to order Generic Cialis, even though I was quickly realizing that it was my only hope. I was so distracted that I was bowling poorly, and our team was falling in the standings. It was because I had a negative self-image, as my sports psychologist said; I couldn’t picture myself as the champion, and so I would never actually become the champion. One night, after several beers, as the lanes were closing down, I confided in a teammate that I was having serious problems, and was considering ordering Generic Cialis. He slapped me on the back and cheered me up. “I know, it’s a difficult step for a man to take. It involves admitting that we need a little help down there. But it’s just shooting yourself in the… foot, to put off ordering it. All it does is help restore your blood flow-that’s all you need to get an erection. Well, that, and a hot piece of flesh in front of you. You’ve got that, I’ve noticed! I’ll admit to you, though-I’ve been using Generic Cialis for over a year now. And I’ve been bowling strikes ever since-at the lanes, and in the bedroom. Order some. Our team needs you!”

Following his advice, I got on the Internet and placed my Generic Cialis order; and by the time the next bowling night rolled around, I was good to go. I took my first dose in the parking lot; I rolled in our match, and afterwards, taking Shirley to the parking lot, I rolled her as well. I’ll describe both rounds simultaneously: at first, the balls seemed abnormally heavy, probably because I hadn’t used them in so long. I had trouble lifting them. But thanks to Generic Cialis, they were soon rolling like champions, hard and straight, and with devastating power. Strike after strike after strike, no gutterballs. I was putting some wicked spin on it too, which made Shirley squeal with delight. I guess I got excited near the end, and became a bit hasty-but I recovered, and picked up the split, displaying some amazing technique. Because of Generic Cialis, I went home that night with the trophy.

There are several stages of grief a man goes through when his Johnson craps out on him. Yes, it’s the same as losing a child. The first is denial, of course. I’m not ordering any Generic Viagra, because I don’t have a problem. Little Jimmy’s not dead! He’ll come around! He’s just sleeping! Slap him around a bit, he’ll stir back to life! Massage him or something. Stick his head in between a woman’s legs, and he’ll be roused from his slumber! Yeah, right. The fact is, he’s not going to respond to anything-especially not to wishful thinking-when he’s not getting the proper supply of blood. Generic Viagra can help with that. But no, you’d rather wallow in self-pity. I’m useless, I’m not a man, I’m a castrated, impotent, erectionless old stallion who’s ready to be put out to pasture, or shipped off to the glue factory. Sure, thoughts of death may creep in. If Little Jimmy can be cut down by fate, in the prime of his life, then why not us? This is when things get really heavy. You’ll find yourself dreaming about your high school days, when you’d get a world-class hard-on for anything that moved. Or college, when a night without sex was the exception, not the rule. Before you start living in the past, order some Generic Viagra, like I did, and get a second lease on life.

What’s the next womanish “stage of the grieving process,” without Generic Viagra? Acceptance, right? Think you’ll “make peace with your loss”? Or “find closure”? Give me a freaking break! The fact is, this is one loss a man can never make peace with, no matter how old he is. Here’s some more irony for you-a wise, beer-guzzling Czech novelist once said that young poets think of nothing but death, and old men think of nothing but women. What’s up with that? Better order some Generic Viagra – because even though you may be a little older, your desire for women is likely to increase, especially when you sense, in despair, that every woman you have may be your last! Don’t give in to despair, when you can take practical measures, like ordering Generic Viagra. While there’s still hot blood in your body, there’s a rock-hard erection left in your old soldier. Because erections are all about blood flow, as I said. Don’t be a woman-don’t bring psychology into it. It’s not head games, it’s not a matter of willpower. It’s all about circulation. With Generic Viagra, you’ll respond naturally to a woman’s touch, and with your towering erection, you’ll touch parts of her she didn’t even know existed. So, get over those womanish complexes and hysterics. Be a man, for crying out loud.

I had nightmares about my Long Dong Silver sucking up those tiny blue pills like a vacuum cleaner, or like some stupid elephant trunk, and getting bigger and longer with every pill it swallowed. Then, in my dream, with a colossal Generic Viagra erection, I’d step into my bedroom, pull back the covers, and, instead of my sweet little wife, the covers would reveal-a fat, hairy sow wallowing around in filth, trying to imitate those mud-wrestling cuties on TV, and repeating the words: “Women in our family… women in our family… women in our family!!!” And laughing maniacally, extending a plate towards me that was full of more blue Generic Viagra pills, that even she was snacking on! I knew the continuation of her mantra about “our family.” Women in her family, as my mother-in-law had told me on the day of my wedding, were very sexual creatures, and would not tolerated being undersexed. I could tell she wondered if I needed Generic Viagra to keep her daughter happy-and I was freaking 25 years old at the time!

Hell, back then, not only did I not need Generic Viagra, but I could sit across from my wife in a restaurant, and I’d get a woody hard enough to lift the table off the ground! I’d have to drape the tablecloth over it just to keep the waiter from kicking me out of the place. Of course, a couple of times, my wife just had to duck under the table and help me get my rocks off. No worries-by the time we’d make it home for dessert, and I saw her curling her lips around a spoonful of ice cream, I’d rise to the occasion again. When you’re that young and vigorous, it’s hard to think you’ll ever need Generic Viagra, or have an erectile dysfunction problem, no matter what your mother-in-law thinks. Unfortunately, the years of happy, incinerating sex passed by like a dream, and soon, I was several pounds heavier, and flaccid all-too-often. Every month or so the stars would align, and I’d get a raging Red Baron just like in my glory days, and my wife would ride me into the ground like a bucking rodeo bull. But that happened a bit too rarely. I began considering some Generic Viagra. Especially when my mother-in-law got wind that my wife was only getting sex once a week or so. You’d have thought I was only feeding her dinner once a week or so!

My girlfriend, who knew that I’d been planning to order some Generic Viagra, was well prepared herself. She opened the door as a nasty young witch, with a green face and a long, warty nose. But she wasn’t exactly a traditional witch. She was all business, with a sexy leather suit on, with leather straps and buckles and spikes and whatnot. Oh, and a pointy black hat. There was also a conspicuous hole in her outfit-right around her pleasure pantry, for easy access. She saw my Generic Viagra engorged erection, and cackled with delight. “What a magnificent broom! I wish to mount it!” She threw me onto the couch, and, without even having to take her clothes off, inserted me into her bubbling, steaming witch’s brew, which I stirred patiently, for an hour or two, contributing, in the process, my own special potions. With Generic Viagra, staying rock hard until the broth bubbled over was no problem-and the entire time, my girlfriend laughed and cackled demonically. Afterwards, she said that she really had felt as if she was flying around the room on her magic broom, even around the globe. It was as if she were dancing about on the top of some evil mountain, at Walpurgisnacht, when all the witches gathered to celebrate an orgy of evil.

We had a real laugh when, a couple of hours later, it was all over. Generic Viagra had given me amazing staying power! Finally, I’d decided that we needed a breather, and after my sexy little witch had climaxed for the second time, I doused her with a special magic potion. When she’d wiped off her leather suit, we retired to the kitchen, for some Halloween candy. Funny, she’d put some Generic Viagra pills in with a jar of jelly beans! “You can’t fool me, you naughty witch!” I joked. “I can tell there are some jellybeans mixed in with these magic erectile dysfunction pills!” With that, I took another Generic Viagra dose, because I knew we’d be getting it on again in an hour or so-the night was still young, and that outfit of hers was making me horny as hell.

My wife was at the dad gum shopping mall, enjoying (if one can possible enjoy it) the first day of the holiday shopping system. What crass consumerism! I wanted to cook up something else for her to consume-and I don’t mean Thanksgiving leftovers. Long story short, when she came home from shopping, I was waiting for her on the front porch, with no clothes on (our home is secluded!). My giant Generic Viagra erection was imposing and frightening. At first, my wife let out a scream of shock. Then, she joined me on the porch swing, where I banged her for all she was worth. By the time she was done moaning, every dog in the neighborhood was howling. I’m sure they thought someone was dying. Nope, it was just la petite mort- or, “the little death,” as the French refer to orgasm. Generic Viagra had sure done the trick. I realized that I could continue taking it all year, and make my wife a very happy woman. That night, I heard her calling her mother in the next room, to assure her that I had finally fulfilled my responsibility as a man. Good grief, I thought-I’d be willing to take some Generic Viagra and pound my mother-in-law just to rid her of her complexes. On second thought, no, I wouldn’t do that! That’s just sick! But what can I say-the silly old bag needs a good stuffing.

And so it was. With Generic Viagra in my medicine cabinet, I could pop a pill anytime I sensed a sexual showdown looming, and be sure to rise to the occasion. Before I had thought that the stuff would just give you a massive hard-on for eight hours straight or something. Let’s face it, no man needs that exactly. That’s just unnatural-straight out of Frankenstein. The fact was, Generic Viagra just let me respond to stimulation naturally, the way I used to, back in college. My wife was thrilled. We had a long, happy year. And when Thanksgiving came again, we had a lot to be thankful for. But that’s another story. If you’ll keep reading, maybe you’ll come across the continuation-and my epic final confrontation with my horrible, bottom-feeding, bottom-dwelling beast of a mother-in-law.

The only time she began to doubt my manhood was when I began having erectile dysfunction difficulties. She immediately began begging me to order some Generic Viagra, because, of course, she knew what a reputation it had. For the past several months, our encounters hadn’t been as successful as we had hoped. My proud flower was wilting, its head drooping sadly on a flaccid stem-and I thought about it every time I made the rounds of the greenhouse, plucking dead blossoms off of otherwise healthy plants. I was in the prime of life, and I needed Generic Viagra already? Maybe I’d been working too hard. Maybe I should work out, or something. My old garden hose was soft and half-rotten; before, with its patented power spray head, it had shot a broad, steady stream; now, I couldn’t even coax a drop from it. I was at a loss. Then, I began doing some research.

I didn’t realize that, quite simply, Generic Viagra helps you get back to nature, by restoring the natural circulation to your roots and stem, nourishing your tulip head with the blood it needs to develop a hard and lasting erection. I liked the sound of that, because I’m into organic gardening. I don’t want some bizarre sex treatment that’ll give me 48-hour erections. Generic Viagra simply allows me to respond to my woman the way I used to, in a natural way. Just last night, I took some for the first time, before my girlfriend was supposed to stop by. Long, and I mean long, story short-I took her out back to the greenhouse, where things were appropriately hot, moist, and steamy, and, surprising her with my towering, exotic Generic Viagra erection, laid her back on an empty portion of a plant stand, and planted her.

This little cutie was one of those idealistic high school teachers straight out of college-you know, the ones who study pedagogy and think they’ll make a difference. I was a bit more cynical, a bit more wise. But Generic Cialis and the sight of her at the blackboard were enough to make a Romantic even out of an old crow like me. As Keats wrote: “Give me women, wine, and snuff, until I cry out, ‘Hold, enough!’ / For bless my beard, they aye shall be my beloved trinity.” A delightfully blasphemous poem. Wonderful iambic tetrameter verse. And thanks to Generic Cialis, I had a bulging tetrameter iamb that was ready to eat its way through my pants just to get at that sweetheart. You should have seen the way her juicy melons dangled as she stretched to write something on the blackboard! Now that’s “A Moveable Feast”! I was amazed at my “metamorphosis” down there. I had gone from a puny Dr. Jekyll to a raging, rabid, blood-engorged Mr. Hyde. Generic Cialis had simply restored proper blood flow to my nether regions. I felt as if my Samuel Johnson could breathe properly again; now, indeed, it was like Gulliver among the Lilliputians-a towering, impressive figure. With my proud Ozymandias throbbing, I walked across the hall after school and made my move.

“Hello there, Kate!” I said, depositing a ripe red apple on her desk. An apple for the teacher, right? Soon I’d slip her a banana as well. Because my Generic Cialis was really kicking in. “How was your day?” she asked. “OK,” I lied. “We’ve been discussing Moby Dick all day. What a magnificent beast!” I said. “That’s one of those books I wish would never end,” she agreed. “It leaves me so satisfied-and yet, wanting more.” “Oh, so you appreciate longer novels?” I asked. “Do you prefer Dickens, or Balzac?” This was the oldest English teacher pick up line in the book, but with Generic Cialis, I didn’t mind if I was a bit too obvious-after all, with that thing sticking out practically in her face, I couldn’t exactly hide anything. “Actually,” she retorted, “I prefer Mark Twain-you know, Samuel Longhorn Clemens!” She grabbed my longhorn and pinched it a bit. We ran to my car, and I drove her back to my place, for an entire night of hard frat-house style sex. Generic Cialis had given her exactly what she needed.

All of this erection-enhancing substances talk led to quite a debate. I was the idealist, the purist, you might say. For some irrational reason, I felt that if I was too old to continue competing at my previous level of excellence, without Generic Cialis, then maybe it was time to hang up my golden shoes, and clean out my locker. If I resorted to any erectile dysfunction medications, I felt as if anything I achieved would be undeserved, that I’d be a fraud. Finally, my lady talked some sense into me. She said that the only thing Generic Cialis would do for me was unlock my natural talent, by increasing blood flow to my javelin. I was still in the prime of life, for crying out loud! For whatever reason-fatigue, or stress-I was slumping, and was having trouble out of the gate, with one false start after another. She didn’t see any shame in ordering Generic Cialis, if that’s all it took to restore me to championship form. Finally, I relented, and made that fateful phone call. Even the slightest hope of reviving my career couldn’t be ignored. And, needless to say, I’d heard from some fellow runners, some of them a lot younger than me, that they’d had success with Generic Cialis. Sure, they didn’t broadcast it to the world, but pour enough beer into him, and a man will spill all of his secrets.

One month of record-breaking sex later, and I could kick myself for not having ordered Generic Cialis earlier. I’d missed a lot of valuable training time-what can I say, I’m hung like a champion, but I’m never satisfied, I’m always pushing further, deeper, harder, trying to be the best I can be. My girlfriend said I was back in top form, straining the very limits of human endurance, thanks to Generic Cialis. I’ll never forget the night I met her in the empty locker room, after a night of running. I’d just taken some of my performance enhancer an hour or so earlier. We were both sweaty, grimy-but sometimes I like it like that. I dragged her into a massage room, put her up on the table, peeled her little running shorts off of her, and gave her some decathlon action, complete with massage lotion. With Generic Cialis, endurance was no problem-I had explosive speed, power, and the energy and conditioning to finish the deal. My woman gasped with delight as, in the final event, I pulled back, gathered all of my energy, and put the first shot all the way over her shoulder; the others fell on her like rain. So, yeah, that’s what Generic Cialis did for me. It’s like this every night now. And might I add that satisfied women not only run better-they tend not to complain when you forget to take out the trash, or leave the toilet seat up. That’s the way women are-it’s all about the sex.

I suppose men are wired like that. Until I had to enlist Generic Cialis in my campaign to reconquer Mount Vulva, I thought my sense of self-worth was based on a lot more than my bedroom exploits. Sure, we men have a wide range of professional, personal, and intellectual interests, right? It’s not all about sex. No, no, not at all. That’s so high school, right? Well, just wait and see the plunge your self-image takes the first time you have trouble getting it up and giving it to that sighing, begging, beautiful woman lying there in front of you! How are you going to look into those eyes and say, “Sorry! My ladykiller is taking a nap! Catch you later, baby!” It’s like retreating from a field of battle, your tail (quite literally) between your legs. I’d had enough of the shame, after this happened two or three times. But for some reason I was slow to order Generic Cialis. This is the second aspect of male pride. Of course we’re ashamed and traumatized when we can’t slap around Mr. Slappy and get him to stand at attention, sure. But we’re doubly ashamed to get on the Internet and order some Generic Cialis. Why is that? All the stuff does is restore your natural ability to get hard and stay hard. It’s all about blood flow, guys. Simple as that.

My Generic Cialis was delivered to my doorstep just days later, and no one was the wiser. But now I had a secret weapon in my arsenal, to polish up old Excalibur whenever I sensed a battle approaching. Just pop a pill of Generic Cialis a bit ahead of time, and when you’re properly aroused, you’ll quickly have that good old feeling that your raging erection is about to tear a hole in your pants. And it’s amazing what a couple of good bangs will do for your self-confidence, your outlook on life. And you’ll be even more surprised what it’ll do for your woman… you know, the one who, quote un-quote, “doesn’t really need it to be happy.” What a crock. Order some Generic Cialis and give it to her the way you used to, and just watch as she stops the pouting and the grumpy attitude. Yep, it’s just that easy! So, get over those feelings of mortality, if you’re suffering from erectile dysfunction! You don’t have to join your Jimmy in an early grave! Resurrect him, with Generic Cialis!